Travelted - what a card!

(The stories behind my greetings cards.)

 

Lazy gardeners....lose the plot!

 

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As an artistic fellow I’d had my eye on a particular bed of cyclamen all winter. Unfortunately it’s in a shady part of the garden and the light just wasn’t right. Then one day I was watching the rugby on tele with the Pet Humans and I was very bored because England were losing,  so I looked out of the window and guess what I saw.... a puddle of light just highlighting my little patch of cyclamen.

I immediately ran out into the garden, instructing Mrs. PH to get the camera and tripod. She did a lot of whingeing because she had to lie on the ground and the grass was wet, but hey....what price art?  Anyway, after half an hour we thought the shoot was over, so we were just having a look at the images.  I wasn’t happy because although I was wearing my best gardening gear, it was green and I blended into the background far too much. A bear of my magnificence needs to be prominent.

I shouted indoors to Mr. PH to go and get my smart red jacket, but England had just scored a try and he complained bitterly. Mrs. PH couldn’t do it because she was still lying on the grass and isn’t as mobile as she used to be (She "done too much, much too young!")  So I had to do it.

I ran as fast as my little paws could carry me, wriggled out of my gardening togs and into my smart red jacket. By now the sun had moved and I had to dive into a little patch of fading yellow at the edge of the cyclamen bed.  Mrs. PH had moved her creaking bones and was on her knees, having abandoned "that bloody useless tripod!"  With one fortuitous, unplanned press of the shutter she managed to capture the picture you see before you. All that scrabbling around in the dirt came to naught. If only she’d put me in charge at the beginning we'd have finished hours earlier.  Anyway, all’s well that ends well.

 

If your eyes are bigger than your belly, you’re probably an alien

 

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I’ve always been a big fan of chocolate cake and so when I saw them on offer at my local Co-Op I bought a pack of three.  Mrs. Pet Human immediately ate one, I ate the other and we set up the third for the picture.  The plan was that Mr Pet Human could eat it for his tea when he got home from work.

Unfortunately the shoot was dogged with problems.  Mrs. PH spent the entire afternoon messing around with various lights, candles, mirrors, aluminium foil - you name it. Anyway needless to say, with all this messing about I got very hungry and decided to tuck in. By the end of the afternoon the cake had all gone. There was nothing left but a tablecloth full of crumbs.

When Mr. PH came back he wanted to know what had been going on and it was hard to disguise the fact that we’d had cake and hadn’t left him any. He immediately went into a sulk. Why are humans such big babies?

 

The bear chef roasts his nuts

 

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The idea for this picture came from my Auntie Susan. She’s very creative.  Mrs. Pet Human made me a chef’s hat, which is actually quite clever for her.  She has never fully recovered from the fact that in 1976 she came bottom in her school-year for needlework.  She had to make a skirt.  It was only 2 panels and a waistband. When she started making it she was a size 14.  It took her so long, that by the time she finished she’d lost all her "puppy fat" and was a size 10.  (Mr. Pet Human could do with losing his puppy fat....he’s 43!)

Anyway, I digress.  Suffice to say, my chef’s hat was a triumph and I think I look very professional in it.

Shooting the photograph took ages.  My nuts kept falling out of the pan and Mrs. PH swore a lot. Auntie Traci suggested Blutack but it looked naff so we had to give up on that idea.

Then disaster struck.  Auntie Julie rang for her daily drone about emigrating to New Zealand.  (She keeps asking daft questions like, "Where are the beaches?"...... On the coast probably!)  Mrs. PH was completely distracted and left me all alone, surrounded by candles and cashew nuts.  The candles started to burn my paw and I couldn’t escape because she’d rammed me into a box so that I couldn’t move.  I cried for help but she didn’t hear me.  It was only when the smell of singed fur reached her nostrils that she dropped the phone and came running in to rescue me.  Honestly, the things I suffer for my art!

 

If your glass is half empty it’s time for a refill

 

862686-738367-thumbnail.jpg This was actually the first caption I came up with,  but the last to be photographed.  I had the idea whilst sipping a glass of wine on the shores of Lake Wakatipu in New Zealand, but didn’t manage to get a successful photograph until several months later.  I think the main problem was that Mrs. Pet Human kept drinking the props and then couldn’t get the focus quite right.  (My camera is auto-focus so I’m not sure why it was such an issue – DTs obviously cause serious camera shake!)

Hair today, bear tomorrow

 

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Just when I’d decided to produce a set of 4 cards, my nanny came up with this idea and I simply had to use it and extend my range.  Yet again the photo shoot proved to be rather problematic.  I insisted on being outdoors (I really don’t approve of Mrs. PH’s dangerous indoor lighting techniques) and this gave us a few weather problems.  I live in a very flat and windy place. Have you ever tried wearing a wig when it’s windy?   Well I have! You would not believe how many times Mrs. PH had to go running off around the garden chasing my wig!  It was quite funny to watch really – although I did start to get a little cold towards the end.  My splendid ginger wig was (once again) provided by my auntie Susan.  It was originally a sporran on my McElted tartan kilt.  I actually prefer it as a wig.  As a sporran it tends to frighten small children.